Apocalypse Now, Please

Lately, I find myself praying for an apocalyptic event.

Half of the obstacles between me and living in the Forest full-time are my lack of survival skills. The other half of obstacles are societal rules and expectations. If we endured an apocalyptic event, the second half of obstacles would likely vanish overnight.

zombies

I am so turned on right now.

And I don’t like people. An event that wipes out 99.9% of the population would still leave over 7 million people on this planet and over a hundred people in this shit town I call home. More than enough slots for all of my friends to survive.

I don’t even really care what kind of apocalyptic event it is. Obviously, a zombie apocalypse would be ideal since it would leave me with options for romance. But I’d settle for any kind… a Korean ICBM, catastrophic climate change, global economic collapse, meteor strike, Ebola outbreak, whatever. And that’s the silver lining to Donald Trump being President of the United States. I feel like the odds of me getting my wish are considerably higher for the next 3 to 7 years.

Obviously, I write this post in jest.

Not just any apocalyptic event will do. I need one that gives me a decent chance of survival (again – I vote for zombies). I also need to address the other half of the equation – beefing up my survival skills before the sky falls.

apocalypse

But I am quite serious when I say that I pray for an apocalypse. It may be selfish of me, but I feel that I would thrive better in a world without civilization. And for what it’s worth, at least two of those scenarios – the global economic collapse and catastrophic climate change – are highly likely and imminent. I’m pretty confident one of those is coming soon, whether I pray for it or not.

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