2019 Resolutions and Another Potential Dilemma

In my previous post, I observed that my friends seem to understand that I’m serious about becoming a leather, in spite of my frequent history of changing my mind.

I may have called that shot a little early. I may have drawn that conclusion based on too small a sample size. Because I was hanging out with a few of my closest friends yesterday, and not only did it seem that they weren’t taking my plans seriously, I’m not entirely sure they were even aware of my plans.

Small Town Gossip
I was wrong to think that I could ever harness the power of gossip as a force for good.

To this town’s credit, I may have over-estimated its gossipy nature. Moving up to Green Bay from Milwaukee was a major culture shock for me. Whereas in Milwaukee I could get shot in the face and people would leave me alone, up here it seemed that everyone had to get involved in everyone else’s business. I never liked that aspect of small town life, but I guess I must have grown to rely upon it. Over time, I began to assume that if I told something to a small number of people, gossip would inform everyone else, saving me the trouble of telling that something to everyone.

I’ve been wrong about that a few times now. And that mistake seems to have led to a new predicament.

A New Dilemma

Last night, I was hanging out with Bones. He asked me if I owned an airbrush system. I told him I did. He asked if he could borrow it. Nonchalantly, I replied that he could have it if he wanted it.

I had told Kyle just a few days earlier that I expected that he and Bones would probably divvy up the bulk of my personal possessions – especially my haunt tools and supplies. I didn’t expect Kyle to repeat that exact conversation to Bones. On the other hand, I have made several mentions of my plans on Facebook. I didn’t think my plans were a secret to anyone at this point.

But Bones politely refused to accept the airbrush system, suggesting that I might need it or want it in the future. I told him if that was true, I could just borrow the airbrush back from him. But in any event, it didn’t seem that Bones was even aware that I am wrapping up my haunt crafting activities.

A little while later, Bones mentioned a house he wanted to rent in February. He didn’t seem optimistic that Morgan was going to go for it, but he wanted to know when my lease was up to see if I would be willing to join in on the rent. He was dismayed when I told him that my lease ended in September, even though I admitted to having no compunction about breaking my lease.

Damned Friends

Twice I’ve abandoned my plans and chosen to remain in Green Bay. Both times, proximity to my friends has been the primary deciding factor. I expect that this will be the major conflict if/when I move forward with becoming a leather tramp. Hell, I almost take comfort in its predictability.

I wasn’t expecting to have to contend with this conflict already.

Unfortunately, this suggestion of becoming roommates does have a certain appeal, and it is not an idea that I can dismiss out of hand. I’m terribly fond of Bones and Morgan, and maintaining at least a home base solves a number of logistical challenges.

But accepting this offer means a rent obligation, which implies an obligation to work and earn money, and denies me the life I so desperately want.

Even if I wasn’t so intent on hitting the road again, I think this would be a bad idea. For one thing, Bones and Morgan are newlyweds. They deserve to have their own home without the bother of a third wheel.

Least of all, a third wheel such as myself. Living alone for as long as I have, I’ve grown accustomed to a certain liberty and privacy when I’m at home. I would either have to curtail some of my habits or expose my eccentricities to my friends, in such a way that would almost assuredly result in us no longer being friends. (What I’m trying to say is that I can be weird sometimes.)

Pocket Veto

I’m very flattered by the mere suggestion that they were thinking of asking me to be their roommate. It’s not something I would want to have to say “no” to.

For the moment, I seem to be saved from making this difficult choice by Morgan’s reluctance to rent the place. But that doesn’t mean that this idea doesn’t get floated again in the future.

Not only do I have to contend with an impossible choice, but it looks like I have to do the unpleasant task of making my plans clear to Bones and Morgan, because they either don’t know what my plans are, or they don’t believe I’m actually going to follow through.

Either way, I have to have some very uncomfortable conversations in the coming weeks and months. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually wish Green Bay was more gossipy than it is. I thought I could take the easy way out and let busybodies do the heavy lifting for me on this.

A Look Back on 2018 New Year’s Resolutions

The resolutions I made in 2016 changed my life forever. Since then, I’ve learned to take new year’s resolutions very seriously. Before I unveil my resolutions for 2019, I want to take a quick look at my 2018 resolutions to see how well I did.

Backpacking Europe: Failed. Didn’t have enough money nor could I find a dogsitter for Remy. U.S. relations with Russia and Turkey also deterred me from taking this trip now.

Other Travels: Partially Succeeded. I knocked out a lot of destinations with the Forgotten States Road Trip, including New York, Boston, and New Orleans. I did not go back out west yet for the Grand Canyon or Coyote Gulch. Nor did I go to Miami or Jamaica.

New Chapter / Move: Partially Succeeded. I did move. I also found employment, though that seems like more of a setback than progress to the next chapter. However, I am writing my book which will help me make progress advancing toward the next chapter.

Ignore Donald Trump: Utterly Failed.

Overall, I would have to call 2018 a setback. I checked a few bucket items off my list, but didn’t do enough to make lasting improvements on my life. Instead, I wasted a lot more time contemplating my options rather than taking concrete actions.

2019 Resolutions

Nomadism / Lifestyle:

  • Write a book about the North American Road Trip and the last three years of my life.
  • Get rid of most of my remaining possession.
  • Transition to a full-time life on the road, regardless of what form it takes.

Haunt Projects:

  • Complete the four sets of necrophilia corpses.
  • Complete three other corpse projects.

Travel Goals:

  • More Urban Exploration
  • Coyote Gulch / Jacob Hamblin Arch
  • Return to Glacier National Park

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